The Big-Mouthed Sweetie 'n Prince with No Balance
by Syaoran No Ichiban Aikousha
Summary: Haha! Be a part of history in the making! This is just the VERY first of my long line of stories from the "Slayers Theatre"! Trust me; it'll be fun.


Title: The Big-Mouthed Sweetheart and the Prince With No Balance

Author: Syaoran No Ichiban Aikousha

Author's Notes: We love fairy tales right? We also love Slayers right? Why not mix 'n match? ;o All ya' ever need is in "The Slayers Theatre". Keep checking in on my new line of fics! 

Disclaimer: I don't own Slayers!

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Ameria: Lina-san, you look so pretty!

Lina: I still don't know why we're doing this... 

Ameria: Don't you remember? You promised the school that we'd entertain the children as an apology.

Lina: Apology?! What did I do?!

Ameria: You almost destroyed the school with that Dragon Slave.

Lina: O-Oh... *Narrows eyes* Then the one to blame would be Xellos for jumping out of the way!

Ameria: E-Eh heh...

Filia: Lina-san, are you ready? The show starts in five minutes!

Lina: Don't rush me! It's bad enough we have to do TWO plays!

Ameria: Well, this one is for our younger audience.

Lina: Hmph, at least I'm the lead. 

Zelgadis: I feel insulted by this.

Gourry: Zelgadis, you're not even in costume yet.

Ameria: Poor Zelgadis-san. He has to play the wolf.

Xellos: Are we ready? 

Lina: Does it look like we're ready?!

Xellos: *Smiles* Well, ready or not, the narrator's starting. *Steps onto the stage*

Lina: XELLOS! Get back in here!

Ameria: We might as well start, Lina-san. *Runs to her position*

Lina: Fine.

Zelgadis: *Sits motionless in a chair*

[ On stage ]

Xellos: *Clears his throat as the spotlight shines onto him*** Welcome, children, to our presentation of "Little Red Riding Hood"! **

*Curtain rises to reveal Ameria and Lina*

Xellos: **Once upon a time, there lived a little girl. She always wore a red hood, hence, she was given the name Little Red Riding Hood. One day...**

[ Mother, as played by Ameria Wil Telsa Saillune ]

Ameria: *Walks up to Lina* **Oh, Little Red Riding Hood, your dear grandmother has fallen ill. Would you like to deliver this basket of food to her?** *Hands her a basket*

[ Little Red Riding Hood, as played by Lina Inverse ]

Lina: *Stares down at the basket* Food.. ? 

Ameria: *Smiles nervously as Lina shakes the basket up and down* **Little Red Riding Hood?**

Lina: *Peeks inside* There's no food in here!

Ameria: Lina-san, it's a play!! And it's your line!

Lina: O-Oh! **A-Ahem, yes, dear mother. I shall be happy to give grandmother this food. **

Ameria: **That's wonderful! And remember to be careful, don't speak to strangers, and don't doddle!**

Lina: **Yes, mother! I am off now!** *Turns around and pulls on the "door" and laughs nervously when it doesn't budge* Um, eh heh... *Pulls on it again* Ameria, what's wrong with this thing!?

Ameria: *Looks at the audience with a smile as she slid over to Lina* Is it stuck?

Lina: What do you think?! *Kicks it violently* Cheap set! *Holds out her hand* That's it! ... FIRE BALL! *Burns the door to a crisp and steps out* **So long, mother!** *Walks off*

Ameria: *Sweatdrops and stares at the traumatized children* 

*Curtain drops as everyone rushes to their new places*

Xellos: *Watches the curtain rise* **Little Red Riding Hood is heading out to her grandmother's house when suddenly, a wolf appears before her.**

*Nothing happens*

Xellos: *Twitch* **When suddenly, a wolf appears before her...**

*Nothing happens*

Lina: ZEL!?

[Backstage]

Zelgadis: Typical for them to pick me as the wolf... seeing as how the kids will think I look like a beast if I'm chosen for another part... *Rambles off*

Gourry: *Hears all of the shouting on stage* Um, Zelgadis, I think you're on.

Zelgadis: It's not like I can help the way I look. This play just rubs it in my face. Not only that, I have to wear that ridiculous wolf costume. *MutterMutter*

Ameria: *Runs up to Zelgadis* Zelgadis-san, please go on! The children will be so disappointed!

Zelgadis: *Looks at Ameria's pleading face* Hmph..

Ameria: Zelgadis-san! *Eyes become glassy*

Zelgadis: .... F-Fine! *Throws on the costume and stomps out to the stage*

[On stage]

Lina: ZEL! Where the hell have you been!?

Zelgadis: Mm.. Ahem, Lina..

Lina: Making me look like a fool out here!!

Zelgadis: Lina..

Lina: Letting down everyone that's in this damn play?! What were you thinking?!

Zelgadis: Lina...

Lina: WHAT!?

Zelgadis: *Points at the children with their mouths gaping open at Lina*

Lina: ... 

Xellos: **Erhm, the wolf steps out before Little Red Riding Hood...**

[ Wolf, as played by Zelgadis Greywards ]

Zelgadis: *Monotoneously* **Hello-there-little-girl-where-are-you-off-to?**

Lina: *Whispers* Zel, loosen up; what's wrong with you?? **I'm going to my grandmother's house to give her this basket of FOOD!** Although she'll be greatly disappointed.... *Scowl*

Zelgadis: **Oh. Why don't you also go to pick some nice flowers for her, too?**

Lina: **My mother said not to doddle!**

Zelgadis: **Oh, but she'll love the flowers. It wouldn't take too long.**

Lina: **Yes, I suppose I could gather some flowers!**

Zelgadis: **Okay.** *Walks off*

Lina: Nice performance, Zel..

Zelgadis: *Scoffs and steps backstage*

Lina: *Starts gathering the fake flowers as the curtain goes down*

*Curtain rises, with Zelgadis standing on stage*

Xellos: **As Little Red Riding Hood picks her flowers, the wolf has a plan.**

Zelgadis: **Since the little girl is busy, I will go to her grandmother's house. ***Walks to the "house" and opens the "door" to see the grandmother sitting in bed*

[ Grandmother, as played by Filia ul Copt ]

Filia: **Ahem, who is there?**

Zelgadis: This is degrading... *Clears throat and says in a higher voice* **Oh, it is me, grandmother. Little Red Rid***Voice cracks***ing Ho..ood... ***CoughCough*

Filia: **U-Um, come in, come in!** *Watches Zel walk to her bedside as a look of fear spreads to her face* **Y-You're not Little Red Riding Hood!**

Zelgadis: Okay, how am I supposed to end this scene? The script said to eat you. How do I do that?...

Filia: E-Eh heh... *Looks at the audience nervously*

Zelgadis: Oh, forget it. 

*Curtains come down*

Filia: This is going smoothly.

Lina: *Runs to her place* If Zel hadn't opened his big mouth..

*Curtains rise*

Lina: *Stands in front of her grandmother's house and knocks on the door* **Oh, dear grandmother! It is Little Red Riding Hood! I have brought food for you!**

Zelgadis: *Sits in the bed with the grandmother disguise on and stares out angrily* Not only do I have to wear this wolf costume, I need a grandmother one on top of it...

Lina: Um, grandma'??

Zelgadis: I must look like a complete idiot...

Lina: Alright! *Crashes through the "door"*

Zelgadis: Lin--**Little Red Riding Hood!** *Narrows eyes* 

Lina: About time you came back to reality. **Grandmother, I have brought food!**

Zelgadis: **Oh, Little Red Riding Hood, I'm so happy to see you.**

Lina: **Oh my, grandmother, what big eyes you have..**

Zelgadis: **The better to see you with, my dear.**

Lina: **Oh my, grandmother, what big ears you have!**

Zelgadis: **The better to hear you with, my dear.**

Lina: **Oh my, grandmother! What big teeth you have!**

Zelgadis: *Scowl* **The better to eat you with my dear.**

*Nothing happens*

Lina: That's when you get up and chase me around!

Zelgadis: *Stands up and walks to Lina* **R-Roar.**

Lina: *Sweatdrop* That's chasing?

Zelgadis: Just run.

Lina: **Ahhhh!!** *Runs out as Zelgadis stands there* Z-Zel! *Speaks out of the corner of her mouth* Move!

Zelgadis: *Shuffles after Lina* I seem to be the only one out here that's humiliating myself. **R-Roar...**

*Curtain falls and scene changes*

[ Backstage ]

Ameria: Okay, Gourry-san. Your turn.

Gourry: Alright! *Runs to his spot*

Lina: Don't mess this up!

[ On stage ]

*Curtain rises*

Xellos: **Not far from the house in the woods, there was a woodcutter who heard Little Red Riding Hood.**

[ Woodcutter, as played by Gourry Gabriev ]

Gourry: *Chopping "wood" with his "axe"* 

*Nothing happens*

Gourry: *Continues chopping*

Lina: Jellyfish brains!! You're supposed to go to grandma's house now!

Gourry: Okay! **Ahem, hmm! I wonder what all of that commotion is!** *Walks to Grandmother's house and opens the door to see Zelgadis* **Hey! It's the wolf!**

Zelgadis: *Stands there*

Gourry: Um... 

Zelgadis: Your line.

Gourry: *Goes into deep thought* Mmm....

Zelgadis: *Sigh* _" What've you done?! I'll teach you a lesson! You will do no more, wolf! "_

Gourry: *Blink* H-Hey, wait! I thought YOU were the wolf... 

Zelgadis: ...

Lina: *From backstage* JUST ATTACK HIM!

Gourry: R-Right! *Pulls out the "axe" and goes after Zelgadis* **Take this!**

Zelgadis: *Gets hit by the axe as it bounces off his body and Gourry goes flying to the other side of the "house"* 

Gourry: **T-There...**

Xellos: **And that was the end of the wolf.**

*Curtain drops and rises*

Xellos:. **Afterwards, the hunter found Little Red Riding Hood hiding under the bed and saved her grandmother **

[ Backstage ]

Zelgadis: *From backstage* How is that possible..? After you're eaten, wouldn't it be more likely for the grandmother to be dead? Being digested and all... 

Ameria: U-Um, Zelgadis-san, I think it's for the children's sake...

[ On stage ]

Lina: *Says sweetly* **Oh, thank you, hunter, for saving me and my dear grandmother!**

Gourry: **You're welcome!**

Filia: **Why don't you stay and we can have some of that food Little Red Riding Hood brought for me?**

Gourry: Food.. ?

Filia: **W-Well?**

Gourry: **Sure!**

Lina: *Holds up the basket and whispers to Gourry* There's no food..

Gourry: Why would Filia lie like that?

Lina: *Sweatdrop*

Filia: It's for the play!

Gourry: Oh. So we're not eating?

Lina: What do you think?!

Xellos: **A-Ahem, and they enjoyed their food. The End. **

*Curtain drops*

Ameria: Lina-san! we have to get ready for the next play for the other children!

Lina: *Throws the basket at Gourry and steps to Ameria* Yeah, yeah.

Filia: Don't we have other actors?

Ameria: They haven't arrived yet.

Zelgadis: *Flips through the script* I'm not doing this.

Lina: You have a big part!!

Zelgadis: Who chooses these parts?!

Lina: Just do it. It'll be over.

Ameria: I think I see the them!

Lina: It's about time. 

*Sylphiel slips backstage*

Sylphiel: Hello, everyone! Am I late?

Lina: Where's--doesn't matter. Get into costume, people!

Xellos: This is all turning out nicely, isn't it?

Filia: Despite the fact that you're still here..

Xellos: Oh, my my. You can't leave out the narrator. Without me, the audience would never figure out what you're trying to act out on stage. 

Filia: *Twitch* I wouldn't be the one to talk about bad acting. Is this why you could only get the narrator job? Standing there and talking about the obvious must be easy for you, namagomi.

Xellos: Namagomi...?

Lina: ENOUGH! *Boots Xellos on stage* We're starting!

Xellos: *Clears throat* **Welcome to our presentation of "Cinderella"! **

*Curtain rises with Lina in the center*

Xellos: **Once there was a young girl who lived with her father and stepmother. Her mother died years ago. Her stepmother was very mean to her. She also had two stepsisters who didn't like her, either. Then, her father died and she was left all alone.** *Smiles* Her stepmother and stepsisters treated her badly. Nobody cared about the girl. Her heart and soul had been torn up and she felt nothing but emptiness insid--

Lina: Xellos! Stop saying that so you can enjoy the children's negative feelings!! 

Xellos: Who me? I was merely narrating. Anyway, lets begin.

[ Cinderella, as played by Lina Inverse]

Lina: *Walks down the "hall" and to her stepmother's room* **Excuse me?**

[ Stepmother, as played by Sylpheel Nels Rada ]

Sylphiel: **Yes, Cinderella?**

Lina: Sylphiel, toughen up. MEAN stepmother, remember?

Sylphiel: Oh, right! **Ahem, YES, Cinderella?!** *Smiles eagerly* How was that?

Lina: B-Better...** You have received a special notice from the castle just this morning. **

Sylpheel: **Oh? Is that so? Let me see it**......... *whispers* Please.

Lina: **... S-Sure..** *Hands her a slip of paper*

[ Backstage ] 

Ameria: I guess Sylpheel-san couldn't go without being polite. *Slips out to the stage*

[ On stage ]

Sylpheel: *Pretends to read it* **Well, well.. it seems that the young prince is holding a ball in search of his future queen...** *Eyes become sparkly* It's like a fairy tale.

Lina: *Facefault* It is a fairy tale... **Oh, that sounds wonderful!**

[ Stepsister, as played by Ameria Wil Telsa Saillune ]

Ameria: *Enters the room* **Oh, mother!**

[Stepsister, as played by Filia ul Copt ]

Filia: *Follows*

Sylpheel: **Girls, you are just in time. The prince is having a ball to select a bride.**

Filia: *Clasps hands together* **That would be delightful!**

Ameria: **Yes, it would!**

Lina: **Oh, could I possibly attend, too?**

Sylpheel: Sure, Cindere-- Oh, wait... **Oh, but Cinderella... you have so many chores to do here. And you have nothing to wear. Why don't you leave... leave.. these things to people like us?**

Lina: **Oh, but, if I finish all of my chores in time and find a dress to wear, could I come?**

Sylpheel: **Of course, Cinderella ...** *Walks off with a doubtful look*

Ameria: **Hmph, this shall be interesting..**

Filia: **Indeed! Cinderella at a fancy ball!** *Mockingly* **Oh... I'm Cinderella, don't you love my rags?**

Ameria: *Laughs as Filia chimes in* **Yes, yes... this I have to see.**

Lina: ... *Twitch* 

Ameria: **I hope you enjoy your time. I know I shall.**

Filia: **And I know your "dress" will be just dazzling.**

Ameria: **Yes, torn cloth is just the style these days.** *Laughs and walks off with Filia*

Lina: FLARE ARROW! 

Filia & Ameria: EEEEEEE!! IT WAS IN THE SCRIPT!! *Run backstage fanning themselves off*

*Curtain falls as everyone rushes to new places*

Xelloss: **On the night of the ball, Cinderella's stepmother and stepsisters were preparing themselves for the big night... but our poor Cinderella had not finished her chores and still could not find anything to wear.** Oh but she was sad, her heart was set on going and now, she could not... She felt as if her life was to be coming to a sorrowful and mournful end... That she would--

Lina: *Shakes a fist at him from behind the curtain* Xelloss..

Xelloss: **And that was that.** *Smiles and flashes to the other side of the stage*

*Curtain rises*

Sylpheel: **Oh, girls.. you two look wonderful. I'm sure that prince will fall to your charms.**

Ameria: **Of course...**

Filia: **Shall we get going?**

Lina: *Runs up to them* **I suppose you're all leaving?**

Ameria: **And I suppose you haven't done all of your chores yet, Cinderella?**

Lina: **Well..**

Filia: **Aww, too bad! Lets go, mother.**

Sylpheel: **Have a good night, Cinderella..** *Walks out with Filia and Ameria*

Lina: Heh heh, time for the spotlight to shine on me--

VOICE: OHOHOHOHOHO!!

Lina: D-Damnit... Peeeeerfect timing, Naga..

Naga: *Flips down to the stage* Well, I'm here for my part..

Lina: *Kicks her off stage* You're not on yet!! It's MY time now!! 

Naga: *Flies across the room* Liiiiiiiiiinaaaaa!! This is how you treat meeeee?? *Crash*

Lina: Ahem! **Oh, whatever shall I do? I so did want to go...** *Strolls outside and stares at the sky in sadness*

Zelgadis: **Hello, there.**

Lina: Z-Zel... where's your costume?

Zelgadis: You seriously expected me to--

Lina: Alright, alright.. forget I asked. **W-Who're you?**

[ Backstage ] 

Gourry:  Hmm, Lina must have that.. amnesi-whatever thing. She forgot who Zelgadis is.. 

Ameria: Gourry-san... *Sweatdrop*

[ On stage ]

Zelgadis: **I am your ....***cough* **F-Fairy.. God.... father.**

Lina: Godfather..? I don't remember HIM in the play. **What are you doing here?**

Zelgadis: **I'm here to let you go to the ball.** *Swings the wand around and almost hits Lina in the head*

Lina: Zel! Be a bit more "fairy godmother-y" with that thing! 

Zelgadis: **Ta-ta-do-la..** and some other nonsense. 

[ Backstage ] 

Ameria: My cue! Dark mist!! 

[ On stage ]

Filia & Sylpheel: *Run out to stage and quickly throw Lina into a new dress*

Lina: GEH! Wh-what?!

[ Backstage ] 

Gourry: Maybe it would have been better to tell her you were going to do that...

Ameria: I use the element of surprise.

[ On stage ]

*Mist fades*

Zelgadis: ... What just happened? *Looks at Lina* When did you--

Lina: HOW SHOULD I KNOW? 

Zelgadis: R-Right.. **Well, here's your transportation.** *Swings the wand around and accidently lets go of it as it knocks some kid in the face* E-Eh...

Lina: **Transportation? .... Transportation? ................ TRANSPORTATION?!** NAGA!! That's YOUR cue!!

Nahga: *Crawls onto stage holding a bottle of whiskey* W-Wha? *Hiccup* Oh, right. Get on Liiiiiiiina... *Hiccup*

Lina: ... 

Nahga: Whas' da' matta'? Not good 'nuff fer' ya'? Well, I'll *Hiccup* show you.. *Points at Lina as she stands up, wobbling* As your .. greatest 'n strongest rival... I, Na--.. Na.. whas' my name?

Lina: Dill brand! *Nahga blows away*

Nahga: Ohohohohoho--*Crash*

Lina: *Smiles* **I think I'll walk.**

Zelgadis: **Anyway, be back by twelve.** *Steps off stage*

*Curtain falls and the ballroom scene is placed up*

Gourry: Alright, my turn!

*Curtain rises*

[ Prince, as played by Gourry Gabriev ]

Gourry: *Sits at his big, royal chair and watches everyone dance*

Ameria: **Oh, prince, won't you dance with me?**

Filia: **No, me!**

Lina: *Arrives at the party*

Ameria: **Hey, doesn't she look familiar?**

Gourry: Hmm, seems like Ameria has caught that amni-something, too..

Filia: Gourry-san, your line!

Gourry: Gotcha'! *Runs to Lina and holds out his hand* **Hello, I haven't seen you around here before. Would you like to dance?**

Lina: **... S-Sure..** *Turns a bit red as she took Gourry's hand*

*Music starts up*

Lina: *Starts to get a look of terror*

Filia: *Leans over to Ameria* Something wrong with Lina-san?

Ameria: She's remembering the rehearsals.. unfortunately, so am I...

Sylpheel: Oh, please let Gourry-sama get this right.

Gourry: *Whispers to Lina* Hey! I'm doing well, aren't I?

Lina: *Sweatdrop* Geh.. so far..

*Music stops as everyone stares at Gourry and Lina in shock*

Ameria: H-He...

Filia: He..

Sylpheel: Gourry-sama did it! *Smiles happily*

Gourry: *Gives a thumbs up and winks* 

Lina: Yeah, yeah. I think I did pretty well, too.. 

*The bell sound*

Lina: **Oh, no! I have to go!** *Runs off*

Gourry: **Wait!** *Runs after her* **Come back!**

Lina: *Drops off one of her shoes and leaves*

Gourry: **Wait up! I never got your nam--** *Trips over the shoe*

Ameria: ... 

Filia: *Slaps her forehead*

Sylpheel: Gourry-sama..

Lina: Ugh, idiot! 

*Curtain drops* 

Xelloss: **Thus, the clock had struck twelve and Cinderella was hurrying back home as everything turned back to normal. She arrived home just before her stepmother and stepsisters.**

*Curtain rises*

Sylpheel: *Walks in the door with Ameria and Filia* **Who was that girl anyway?**

Filia: **The prince spent all of his time with her and didn't pay any attention to us!**

Ameria: **Yeah, she looked very familiar, too.**

Lina: *Walks to them* **How was your evening?** *Takes their coats*

Sylpheel: **It was fine.** *They walk to their rooms*

Xelloss: **The next day, it was heard that the prince had found the shoe of the mystery girl he danced with and was taking it all over town to find who fit it. Whoever did would be his wife.**

*Curtain falls and rises with Filia, Ameria, and Lina*

Ameria: **I just know it'll be me!**

Sylpheel: *Walks into the room* **I'm sure it will.**

Filia: **There he is!** *Opens the door to let Gourry in*

Gourry: **Okay, whoever fits this shoe ..** um.. will... 

Lina: Oh, just give her the shoe.

Gourry: *Hands it to Filia first*

Filia: *Tries it on but it wouldn't fit* **But.. how?!**

Ameria: *Snatches it from Filia and tries it on, but failed* **No!**

Gourry: **And you?** *Looks to Lina*

Lina: **M-Me? Oh well... I..**

Sylpheel: **There's no need for her to try it on..**

Gourry: **But I insist.** *Holds the shoe up to her*

Lina: *Gently lifts her foot and slips it on* O-Ow..

Ameria: *Softly* What's wrong?

Lina: Who wears GLASS shoes anyway?

Ameria: .. *Sigh*

Gourry: **I've found you!** Mm, now what do I do?

Sylpheel: Don't you remember, Gourry-sama? *Whispers* You say, _"I have found you! You are the girl I have been searching for to be my bride."_

Gourry: Uh, um**.. I have found you!** What was that last part.. ?** You are the .. pearl I have been ... something.. for so please fly aside.. !**

Lina: *Facefault* Yeah, yeah.. 

[ Backstage ]

Zelgadis: Finally.. 

[ On stage ]

Xelloss: *Smiles* **And that's the end.**

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:D Enjoy it?

- Syaoran No Ichiban Aikousha -


End file.
